The Résumé

 

I once believed her pain.

She came to me weak, whispering, “I’m afraid,”

and I answered with my heart.

She used her power to curse, not to heal.

She wore sorrow like silk and made it seductive,

told a tale of crimes committed against her soul

until I took on the sentence.

I continued to reach out—

my hand like a child,

watching it get slapped away through the years.

I was called delusional,

while the truth stayed hidden behind my back.

It caused me to doubt my mind,

to question what I knew deep inside.

The cornerstone on which she stands

was built by these two hands.

While telling others how worthless I was,

I gave her that foundation

freely,

truly,

and in love.

The message was clear:

I was the problem.

I was the one to fear.

So I took out the bat to punish myself,

trying to fix all my flaws.

I was trying to earn love—

but it really wasn’t love at all.

Pride fell, that’s for sure.

Shame ruled.

The lies conquered.

And buried beneath what felt like the holocaust

of my life collapsing—

naked and afraid—

my Father came and showed me the way.

I am enough.

I am loved.

And I am to present myself as such.

So now—

this is my résumé:

I fell in love,

but it was not love at all.

It was trauma and pain,

guided by an inner child

who only wanted to make their shame go away.

And in the end—

somehow, some way,

by the grace of God

or some ancestral train,

it was a miracle—

because I flourished

without the rain.